Monday, October 29, 2007

Write a narrative of a moment in which you felt alone, even though you may have been in the midst of a crowd. Concentrate on details of the enviroment

It was a warm morning day, sun was peeking up over the horizon, and everything was perfect. Except....me. The unbelieveable had happened my soul mate one and only had said we needed to be apart. Are you kiding me? He was it my whole future was based on him, my best friend, boyfriend. I could barely wake up that morning. "Get up it's 7:30", my sister kept saying through my bedroom door. I didn't want to face it....the aloneness. I went into school, everything seemed fine. "Hey, hows you and Zac doin", Alyssa who I hardly ever see just happened to be around to make my relization of the horror even better. I couldn't hid it, tears just started wealing in my eyes. I told her he's fine and scurried away before anymore questions could be asked. I couldn't sit through my classes, and consintrate enough. I felt alone, that world just seemed empty and pointless to me. I felt everyone knew and judged me, that I wasen't good enough. I had no one to turn to, even though my good friends wanted to know what was wrong. I made it through that day and slowly over time made it through each day up to this one.

2 comments:

John Balla said...

Writer's Name:Jen Danner

Reviewer's Name:John Balla

I noticed: that you as well have been hurt. The use of this type of subject makes it very easy to relate and imagine what you went through.

I liked (enjoyed, appreciated): The contrast in the first sentence between you and the perfect day.


I wondered: what it's like now because of what happened.

I would suggest: adding a part at the end going into detail after the "each day up to this one" talking about what its like now.


Strong words, phrases, and images in the writing: "sun was peeking up over the horizon, and everything was perfect."

Alan Foster said...

Missing a few posts.